I’m not sure what it is about my kids and tweezers, but good God, I can’t keep a decent set of them around here to save my life. My eyebrows are such that if I go more than two days without plucking and tweezing them, I could easily be mistaken for Frida Kahlo. Or Groucho Marx. They’re unsightly!
On top of that, the males in my household seem determined to either ruin or confiscate every pair I buy. They use them as some sort of tool that is not related to grooming. Sure, they can be used to remove ticks–but please, not from the dog! One of the grossest things I’ve found was a semi-smooshed dog tick impaled at the end of my tweezers just as I was about to remove the offending hairs above my eyes. I don’t mind if my tweezers are used for removing splinters either, but no one around here likes to have their splinters pulled. They’d rather use the soak and fester method.
So, how in the world my tweezers disappear, have the ends blunted and burred, or become pulled apart and warped, is beyond me. These people confess to nothing. It’s a mystery, and a terribly annoying one. It’s not like they’re taking the cheap drugstore brand pairs either. No, no, those aren’t good enough for their nefarious deeds. They’re taking the $20 Tweezermans.
When I was in Germany last summer, I splurged on a really great pair of tweezers that I had kept hidden from everyone. They were perfect in all their beautiful, German engineering…sharp, angled just right, and with a grip that exactly matched my preferred finger placement. Wouldn’t you guess that the one time I left that supremely important instrument out, one of the boys took them, used them in some plot for destruction, and left them, useless, on the bathroom floor. I cried.
No one admitted to any wrongdoing, and they all looked at me like I’m crazy when I started gesticulating with my arms about the importance of my having a decent set of tweezers. “Don’t you know,” I pleaded, “that I will develop wooly caterpillars across my forehead if you all keep taking my tweezers?!” They just don’t get it.
I’ve decided I need to buy a lock box or a safe for my prized possessions. Some women safeguard their jewelry. I covet my tweezers.