Snakes are not my favorite animals on the planet. In fact, they are one of my least favorite, but because I am surrounded by boys who love to find, catch, and show me snakes, I have learned to be less squeamish and more tolerant of the slithering reptiles. Having said that, I will not tolerate snakes in the house. Period. I know there are snake lovers out there who think snakes make the best pets and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…those people are crazy. Snakes are gross.
So, it came as a very unpleasant surprise last weekend to find a real, live, tongue-flicking snake in my living room when all but one of my boys were out for the day. Since my littlest boy, Fritz, was up in his room playing “vet,” I casually left the bathroom door open when I went in for a quick visit. I was perched upon my porcelain throne when a movement across the living room floor caught my eye. Thinking it was a spider (my other least favorite animal), I wadded up some toilet paper and prepared to eliminate the offending creature. Instead, what I found was a snake…and it was under my sofa.
A series of thoughts ran through my mind at that moment: Do I run? Can I capture it? What if if springs out at me? What if it’s part of a nest that hatched somewhere in the house and there are 10 more of these things hiding elsewhere? I HATE SNAKES!
I opted to try to “chase” it out of the house so it wouldn’t get away and end up in my bed or shoes or something. Very calmly, I grabbed a big plastic container, thinking I would trap it underneath if my chasing didn’t work. I called to Fritz to help me. He’s seven and just as into snake catching as his older brothers–fortunately, I guess. Fritz tiptoed behind the sofa while I opened the back door and stood ready with the Tupperware. As it shot out in front of Fritz, I quickly flicked it with the bowl and got it over the threshold to the patio. I felt the weight of the snake in the bowl the moment the two connected, which prompted me to throw the whole thing across the patio like a Frisbee. We got it out, but I think I need a vocal chord transplant after all the screaming I did.
Fritz got a big kick out of my dramatic antics and was disappointed that I wouldn’t let him keep the thing. Ugh…I’m still shivering.